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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457643">Locked Up</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxNightmare45015/pseuds/MaxNightmare45015'>MaxNightmare45015</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Death Note</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 07:21:28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>20,558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26457643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxNightmare45015/pseuds/MaxNightmare45015</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After the fourth murder ended in disaster and Beyond in the hospital, once he woke up something completely changed about him. Instead a more vulnerable person took his place with no memory of the murders he committed. Soon the courts deem him incompetent to help himself in his own defense so they send him to a mental institution. Soon L finds out and hes determine to find the truth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>LxBB</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Waking Up</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Note rating can change some point in the story. There might be some Yaoi, I havent decided yet -chuckles- Will see. Anyways I don't own Death Note: Another note, credit goes to the author to that awesome story. Just wrote this story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When I woke up from my coma, I had no idea how I got here to begin with. I shook my wrist lightly to hear a soft rattling noise. <em>Handcuffs?</em> I thought. I move my hand up to feel the cold metal pressed against my skin. It made me shudder a bit. I heard the soft footsteps of people walking around my bedside. Soon gentle hands pressed against my neck to count my heart beats.</p><p><strong><em>"Getting stronger</em></strong><strong>.."</strong> A voice said softly. <em><strong>"</strong></em><strong><em>Can you hear me BB?"</em></strong> The voice asked again.</p><p><em>Yes..</em> I thought.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"If you can hear me, make a fist with your right hand.."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>Which I did. I even flexed my arm to show I was responsive.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Can you say something BB? Twitch your finger once if you can't.."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>My throat felt raw from the inside and I couldn't find the strength to say anything so I just twitched my finger.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Make sure to change the IV and too change the bandages again. The dead tissue is healing up nicely..BB do you remember where you are? Twitch your finger once for yes twice for no."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>I twitch my finger twice for no.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"What do you remember BB?"</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>I don't know! All I know is I'm in a lot of pain! Gah! My throat burns! Please give me some water of something..</em>
</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>"Well detective I don't know what to tell you. He doesn't seem to remember anything. It could be due to the injury he suffered.."</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong><em>Impossible! How can he forget three murders he committed with his own hands!</em></strong> A female voice shouted!</p><p><em>Murders?! </em>I could hear the heart monitors beeping starting to increase just as my heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest.</p><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Okay Miss. Misora! That's enough! Your upsetting the patient, so I need to ask you to leave.</em>
  </strong>
</p><p><strong><em>Fine. But I will be back</em></strong><strong>.</strong> She said as her footsteps grew quiet when she left the room.</p>
<hr/><p>A few days passed and I barely started to gain my eyesight back to the point where I could look at everybody who was at my bedside. But I still had trouble using my voice. So I had to rely on blinking and the tapping of my fingers. Again the woman who's last name I only knew..Misora came back again grilling me with more questions I couldn't answer, even if I wanted too..</p><p>"I must say Beyond you are one skilled actor. You might have the doctors fooled but I see through your clever rouge!" She said angrily and banged her fist on the drawer beside me.</p><p><em>Clever rouge?! I don't have anymore fooled!</em> I thought angrily and blinked my eyes repeatedly to show my frustration.</p><p>"Getting mad BB?" She smirked and leaned close to me. "I'm going to nail your ass to the wall BB! No jury will see through your act!" She spat.</p><p><em>Ahh! If only could talk!</em> I thought angrily.</p><p>"Miss. Misora! If I have too keep telling you again to not upset the patient I will NOT allow you back here again!"</p><p>She stepped back and smirked a bit. "Of course. Keep us notified in his progress will you." With that she left my room again.</p><p>I have too thank that doctor for coming in on perfect times..</p>
<hr/><p>When the IV's started to come out I had a hard time gaining my strength to do anything on my own so I had one of the nurse who's name I keep forgetting..but she seemed like a nice lady..</p><p>As she helped me back into my bed she handed me a cup of ice water which I slowly took and brought to my lips.</p><p>"You should be able to regain your voice." She said softly and look at me. "And your skin tone is coming back nicely." She said and brought the blanket to my waist. "On a scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate your pain?"</p><p>I struggled to sit up a bit and took another sip. "A five.." I said in a rough raspy voice.</p><p>"Alright. I'll make I tell the doctor to give you an extra painkiller before you go to bed."</p><p>I nodded slowly and laid back down. "H..how long have I been here..?"</p><p>"Almost a two months. But you've been in a coma for most of last month. It wasn't until the beginning of this month have you been started to be more aware of your surroundings."</p><p>I nodded slowly. I watched her walk to the side of my bed to pick up my chart. As she looked over it her eyes slowly went back to me. "It says you tried to burn yourself alive..but they save you in time..why did you do it?"</p><p><em>I tried to burn myself?</em> I thought and looked back at her. "I really don't remember much.."</p><p>"What do you remember?"</p><p>"I was in a hotel room then I woke up here. When I try to remember it gets blurry." I sighted and placed the cup of water beside me. As I looked at her I gently laid my hand over my left eye. Something felt missing.. I couldn't put my finger on it. Just when I look at her I feel like I expect something to be there. But what could it be?! I sighted more in frustration and dropped my hand from my face.</p><p>"Don't stress too much." She smiled and put back my chart. "You'll remember eventually." She said and turned to go.</p><p>"Hey! Wait! I don't even know your name!" I called before she stepped out of my room.</p><p>"Isabel." She smiled still and left.</p><p><em>Isabel.. </em>I thought and laid back.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>
    <em>Three days later, Midnight...</em>
  </strong>
</p><p>
  <em>Tap! Tap! Tap!</em>
</p><p>I rolled on my side and opened my eyes a bit to see the flash of lighting come down. I gripped the sheets nervously and sat up quickly. I've never been scared of lighting...but now I felt some kind fear pierce my heart. I quickly scrambled out of my bed and walked into the hall panting softly. I felt a bit of dizziness come over me as I closed my eyes a bit. When I reopened my eyes the hospital hallway changed from pale white tiles to a rich brown mahogany floor.</p><p>"No way.." I muttered and walked forward slowly. I noticed my hospital gown was replaced with a long black sleeved shirt and faded blue jeans. I started shuddering uncontrollably as I walked the lightning outside rumbled louder. "I'm going crazy.."</p><p>Soon there was a door in front of me. But somewhere deep inside me I didn't want too open it.. I was too scared to see what I would find inside.. <em>It can't be Wammy's house.. I'm just having an episode?! D..don't go in there! Don't! </em>I thought to myself; my hand on the door knob turning it slightly. I threw the door open and my eyes grew wide.</p><p>There was another hit of lighting as I walked inside slowly to see a dark figure two feet off the air. I gulped slowly and came closer as another flash of lighting happened acting as a light for me to see. I screamed in horror too see that it was A! A hung himself! "A! Why!?" I cried as I reached forward to touch his leg lightly but stumbled backwards. The rain outside seemed to grow harder as I scrambled to my feet and ran.</p><p>I ran from the room in complete horror just to run into someone else. I screamed again and scrambled backwards. By this time I was sobbing uncontrollably. "A's dead! He's dead!" I cried loudly and felt gently hands cup my face.</p><p>"BB open your eyes." Said a soft voice.</p><p><em>My eyes are closed? </em>I thought and opened my eyes slightly to see Isabel's heart shaped face. God how relieved I feel right now too see her chocolate brown eyes right now! "H..how did y..ou find me?" I stuttered a bit.</p><p>"I went to go check on you and you weren't there. Then I and some of the doctors heard you screaming. They wanted to give you a sedative because you wouldn't answer when they called you're name. When you ran past us; you kept murmuring 'A. He's dead.' So I convinced them that I could get you under control." She said and wiped the tears from my eyes with her thumb.</p><p>I nodded a bit and gulped slowly. <em>I must of sounded insane.. But seeing A felt so real.. </em>I thought to myself.</p><p>"Here. Lets get you off the floor and back into bed." She said and helped me up slowly; walking me back to my room.</p><p>I laid back down and breathed deeply trying to calm myself down. Isabel pulled the blankets up my shoulders and gave me a small smile of reassurance. "Try not to wonder off again, alright."</p><p>I chuckled softly and nodded. "Hopefully."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Sentenced</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Later that afternoon Isabel came back into the room and gently laid down what looked like a suit at the foot of my bed. I raised an eyebrow in curiosity and sat up straight.</p><p>"Thought you could use this." She smiled. "You'd want to look nice for your court appearance today."</p><p>I sighted. Right..that was today.. I didn't think it would come so soon.. Niomi Misora would be there too.. Hoping they'll sentence me to life in prison.. I was actually trembling at the thought. But would L be there? How much of a case did they actually have against me?</p><p>"Nervous?" Isabel asked softly. I nodded and breathed. "You'll do fine Beyond."</p><p>"Why do you care about me so much? Haven't you read my file? Or I assume you have."</p><p>She nodded. "I have indeed."</p><p>"Then why?! Aren't you scared of me?! The other nurses are.. You should see how they walk the other way when I walk by.."</p><p>"Your different. I can't explain how..but your not the same Beyond who committed those gruesome murders.. I actually believe that you feel remorse." She said softly and gave a smile.</p><p>"Isabel.. You are quite the woman." I smiled a genuine smile. The one I've never thought I'd ever show towards anyone..</p><p>She coughed softly and straightened up. " Well then I'll leave you so you can get dressed."</p><p>I watched as she left in a bit of a hurry. I stood up and pulled up the suit and looked at it. I've never really worn a suit before..first time for everything I guess. I turned towards the mirror as I started buttoning up the white shirt. I found myself leaning a bit closer to my reflection and looked at the chair through the mirror.</p><p>I blinked for a split second too see someone sitting there. I gulped and turned my head towards the chair to see no one there. I breathed in relief as I turned my gaze back towards the mirror again.</p><p>As soon as I did there they were again. I saw a pair of crimson red eyes stare back at me with a sly grin spreading across their lips. "N..not again!" I groaned and tried to keep my balance.</p><p>The figure stood and made it's way towards me as I stood there paralyzed with fear. "ISABEL!" I screamed and sank to the floor hyperventilating.</p><p>She came back in running and gaped as she saw me on the floor shaking uncontrollably. "Beyond what happened?!" She asked as she knelt beside me; placing a gentle hand on my shoulder.</p><p>"I..I th..thought I s..saw s..someone in the r..room with me.." I stuttered and griped her hand.</p><p>"There's no one here Beyond." She said softly and looked around.</p><p>"But there was! I saw them!" I cried.</p><p>She carefully helped me up to my feet and rubbed my shoulders. "Calm yourself. Whoever it was, their gone now."</p><p>I bit my lip and rubbed my eyes. "S..sorry. I think I had just another episode.."</p><p>"Your probably just nervous to go to court." She said and wiped the dirt off my pants. "Everything will be fine." She murmured softly and helped me put the jacket on. The only that was missing was the tie. Which I didn't know how to use.. "Here." She said and pulled up the collar and placed the tie around my neck.</p><p>I watched as she carefully tightened the tie a bit. She smoothed out the wrinkled from the shirt and buttoned the jacket up. She stepped back and smiled. She turned me towards the mirror again I breathed softly and straightened up.</p><p>Soon the door opened and Naomi Misora came through with two policemen behind her. "You know the drill Beyond Birthday. Against the wall with your hands up." She said as one of the cops pulled out some handcuffs.</p><p>I nodded a bit and walked towards the wall and put my hands up. Naomi walked behind me and started search me. As if I'd have anything...</p><p>"My Beyond you look like a choir boy in this suit." She chuckled and grabbed my arms and placed them behind my back.</p><p>"Are the cuffs really necessary..?" Isabel grumbled as Naomi placed them on me.</p><p>"Don't worry Isabel." I gave a weak smile.</p><p>"Were transporting the prisoner now." Said one of the policemen through his speaker.</p><p>"Copy that. Armored escorts are imposition and waiting for transfer."</p><p>"Let's go Beyond." Naomi said and pulled me back my arm. I took one last look at Isabel and smiled as I was pulled out of the room. The two policemen were in front of me and Naomi beside me; hand gripping my arm as she dragged me along the hallway. Once we were outside I saw that there was one of the armored cars that they were talking about earlier but with two guards holding shotguns.</p><p><em>Their not taking any chances aren't they..?</em> I thought to myself and stopped in front of the metal doors. The guards opened the doors as I stepped inside and sat on the far right corner of the car. I didn't event to see the look on Naomi's face as she slammed the doors shut. As the car started leaving the hospital I soon started to feel more alone than I ever have...</p><p> </p><p>When the car finally came to a stop I slowly opened my eyes just to have the sun blind me as the doors opened. If only my hands weren't handcuffed behind my back!</p><p>"Come forward and slowly." Naomi said as the guards got into position; aiming their weapons at me. I gulped slowly and walked forward until I was out of the car; guns still pointed at me.</p><p>"I really doubt I can do anything with handcuffs anyways.." I grumbled and walked inside with her close beside me.</p><p>"Not taking any chances Beyond."</p><p><em>Whatever</em>.. I thought as I came inside the court room. My eye twitched a bit as Naomi sat me down the bench on the right while she walked to the left side.</p><p>When I looked to my right of the prosecution there they were. The victims families. I gulped slowly and look forward again. No doubt their here to make sure I live out the rest of my days behind bars..</p><p>Naomi stood with them. But there is one person missing. L. Odd. I could have sworn he would have been here too see one of his crowning achievements on capturing me... I sighed a bit and laid my head back.</p><p>"Beyond Birthday?" Asked a voice beside me.</p><p>I looked to see a well dress man in a classic gray suit, setting down a briefcase on the table and extending his hand out towards me. "I'd shake your hand but..." I chuckled and shook the handcuffs.</p><p>He nodded and dropped his hand. "I'm Scott Myers for the defense and your lawyer. I presume your aware with the charges brought before you?"</p><p>I nodded. "Three counts of murder right..?" I murmured and sat up.</p><p>He nodded. "Yes. My job is to get you a lesser sentence if possible. I saw that the prosecution is moving towards the death penalty.. I'm trying to avoid that charge if not a life sentence in a California prison or.."</p><p>"<em>Or</em>? What does or mean?" I raised an eyebrow.</p><p>"Or get you to plead not guilty, reason of insanity and sent to a mental hospital."</p><p>"Admit I was insane when I did the murders.." I sighted and laid back again. <em>Maybe I was insane when I did them?</em> I thought. "Alright. I'll plead out if I can.."</p><p>He nodded in agreement as the judge came in. "All rise for his honorable Judge Mathews." Said one of the bailiffs who opened the door. Everyone on the prosecution stood up as did I and my lawyer. As he passed by me I gulped a bit and watched as he sat on his chair.</p><p>"You may be seated." He said as he opened his folder and took out the papers. "What's the case?"</p><p>"The state of California vs Beyond Birthday. Three counts murder in the third degree." Said the other bailiff.</p><p>"How does the defendant plead?" Asked the judge.</p><p>I took a small breath and decided to let my lawyer answer. "Not guilty your honor, for reason of Insanity."</p><p>"And I assume the prosecution wish to challenge the plead?"</p><p>"Yes your honor. The defendant Beyond Birthday was not insane, in fact we have reasonable evidence show the premeditated acts of the horrid crimes. In fact your honor there is more than enough proof to clearly show the malice of these crimes. And that the defendant Beyond Birthday," They pointed towards me and continued. "Was clearly sane! And the victims deserve justice and so do their families. So we move to give him the death penalty because he has no remorse for any human kind." She said and sat back down.</p><p>I flinched a bit and breathed softly. I looked behind me to see the same pair of crimson eyes stare back at me. My eyes grew wide as I kept looking back, unaware of the on going conversation happening in front of me.</p><p>"Not here.." I murmured to myself as I looked forward again. When I did the entire courtroom changed. I no longer wore the suit but in its place were a long red sleeved shirt and black jeans. I blinked a few times and saw that I was back at Wammy's house in Watari's office.</p><p>I walked forward towards the desk where he sat as he place the pen down and looked up at me. "You wanted to speak to me?"</p><p>"Ah yes. Since the tragedy with A.. You're to become L's next successor." He told me.</p><p>I shook my head. "Why do you think A killed himself?! Selfish old man! All the pressure finally got to him! And for what?! To be the next L! I lost my best friend because of him!" I shouted and banged my fists on the desk.</p><p>Wateri just sat there as if I didn't throw a tantrum. I gritted my teeth in frustration. Did he really expect me to be his next successor?!</p><p>"I won't live out the rest of my days in someone else's shadow after they die." I said and stood back. "Tell L that." I said and walked for the door.</p><p>"You'll come around B." Wateri said and picked up his pen to continue working again.</p><p>I shook my head and walked out. I almost ran into a small white-haired boy. "Sorry near. Didn't see you there." I murmured softly.</p><p>"It's alright. Sorry to here about A. I heard you too were close." He said without looking up and continued to play with his toys.</p><p>I nodded. "Almost like brothers." I sighted and stuffed my hands into my pockets. "Bye near. Don't play in the halls. Someone could eventually fall on you." I told him and walked down the hall.</p><p><b><em>Beyond Birthday?</em></b> Asked a deep voice.</p><p>I blinked a few times and Wammy's house changed back to the courthouse. I noticed that I was in the center of everyone. I was sure that they had just heard that whole conversation I probably had with myself.</p><p>"See your honor! My client is clearly not confident enough too stand trial and too help himself in his own defense!" My lawyer said and pointed at me.</p><p>"Objection! How do we know that he's not faking it?!" Said the prosecution.</p><p>"Did you no just witness the scene I just did? It is clear that he is a disturbed young man who need psychological help! And putting him behind bars won't do anything!"</p><p>I looked at Naomi and screamed on the top of my lungs. "It's all his fault! It's because of L that A killed himself! And he tried to kill me!" I screamed and ran towards her.</p><p>"Court officers! Take him away!" The judge said. It took nearly three police officers to hold me down to the ground and slap the cuffs on my wrists.</p><p>I kept screaming and struggling against the hands that held me down. "I won't live my life in someone else shadow when they die!" I screamed as they dragged me out of the room. My screams echoing through the halls.</p><p>The judge cleared his throat. "It is clear that the defendant Beyond Birthday is incompetent to help himself in his own defense. So I rule that he be sent to a mental institution in California under constant supervision and counselling." The judge said and banged his gavel.</p><p>"But your honor!" The prosecution protested.</p><p>"My ruling is final." He said and turned towards BB's lawyer. "I expect you too check on his progress and report back to me in three months.</p><p>He nodded and gathered his paperwork back into his briefcase.</p><p>"How can the judge let that monster not go to prison for his crime!" Cried Quarter Queens mother.</p><p>Naomi sighted and rubbed her shoulder. "Don't you worry. We will get the judge to change his sentence. And he will get the death penalty."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Trapped & Heard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As they dragged me through the hall one of the guards opened up one of the nearby cells and threw me inside; slamming it shut.</p>
<p>When I heard the click of the lock I screamed even louder than before and ran towards them. "Don't leave me in here!" I cried and gripped the bars.</p>
<p>But no, the court officers simply ignored me and began to walk away.</p>
<p>I started panicking. "Wait! Don't leave!" I screamed and started following them till I got to the other end of the cell. "Come back!" I cried louder and banged my fists against the bars. I started kicking at the bars and screaming more.</p>
<p>After a good thirty-minutes of screaming at nothing I sat myself in a corner and brought my legs up to my chest. I wrapped my arms around myself and laid my head on my knees and cried silently. Never have I felt so alone...</p>
<p><em><strong>Alone</strong></em>. I thought. Sometimes I wondered if L felt the same loneliness I have. Wait..he's not completely alone. He has Wateri there by his side. But do you even care for him L? Does he even care for you? Or are you just some prized asset to him of a crowning achievement? Selfish old man.</p>
<p>And what about you L? Are you proud of what you accomplished? Sometimes I wonder if you actually like what you do? Or if your just doing it because Wateri said so. If you had a choice would you still be doing what your doing now?</p>
<p><em><strong>Choice</strong></em>. Was there even a choice in the matter? Did you choose to become a detective? Or did Wateri tell you one day that's what you would become? I hardly ever saw you at Wammy's. You were to busy being groomed into what you are now.</p>
<p>I wonder if you really knew what went on at Wammy's house. No. I bet you didn't think twice. Oh how much I hated you! The hate I felt towards you..! After A killed himself I grew to hate you more than I ever thought. And to thinking what my life would have become if I stayed!</p>
<p><em><strong>Stayed</strong></em>. After A's suicide would I have stayed? Stayed to be nothing but a copy of the original? Having no purpose in life other than to be your successor when you died? Why? Why?! Why would I even stay to be a copy of you!</p>
<p>We are alike in so many ways L... It's maddening! We look alike. There isn't a puzzle or clue that we couldn't crack. We know how to read the situation before us and the people in it. We isolate are selves from everybody else.. Completely same you and I.</p>
<p>That's what makes me sick the most. You L! The bane of my existence! I'm here in this jail cell while your off solving more cases.</p>
<p>I gritted my teeth in frustration.</p>
<p>Soon someone started banging something against the bars making me jump. I looked up to see one of the police officers there. I growled and slowly stood. "What do you want?"</p>
<p>"Nothing." He chuckled and pulled something out of his pocket.</p>
<p>I squinted my eyes a bit to see that he held some small and rectangular. I walked back slowly. "Don't you fucking shoot me with that!"</p>
<p>He chuckled and moved to open the door and step inside. "Nighty night." He said and pressed the button.</p>
<p>As the taser puncture my side I jerk forward feeling the first wave of electricity. I screamed and felt myself fall back. My head hit the ground first and everything seemed to go black..</p><hr/>
<p>When I finally started to come to I noticed that I laid down face first on what looked like a mattress.</p>
<p><em>Damn cop!</em> I thought and tried to move my hands but couldn't. I started to panic a bit as I tried to sit up but still couldn't. I breathed calmly and tried to get a better look at my surroundings.</p>
<p>The room I was in was just a pale white with only one window on my right. But the window itself had bars in front of it. And the only source of light was coming from the window. I looked over too see that there was a metal desk by the window. And of course that was bolted down to the floor. My guess that the chair itself was also.</p>
<p>Where was I? Where did the courthouse go? Where was that damn cop who tasered me?! Where was anybody?! I soon felt that dread of loneliness kick in again. I sighed and used my head to push myself up so that I was sitting up. I looked down too see that I was in a straight jacket.</p>
<p>My eye twitched a bit. God I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs again. How long have I been knocked unconscious?! How the hell did they even get me in here?! I know I wasn't heavy to carry around but still!</p>
<p>I leaned back and sighted. "Please.. At least let me know someone's here.. You don't have to be in the room with me..just say something.. Anything!" I whispered to myself and closed my eyes.</p>
<p>A few more minutes passed until I heard the creak of the door start to open. I looked up to see three people step inside. They all were dressed in white except for the person in the middle wore normal clothes with a white coat. I gulped slowly as they started to come closer towards me.</p>
<p>"Hello Beyond Birthday. My name is Doctor. Gardner."</p>
<p>"B.B for short..." I grumbled.</p>
<p>He nodded and cleared his throat a bit. "Do you know where you are?"</p>
<p>"NO! I have no idea where the hell I am! Enlighten me white coat!" I grumbled some more.</p>
<p>"You're at Plain-View Psychiatric Hospital." He said and stood in front of me.</p>
<p>"So basically I'm in the nut house. Great." I sighed. "Now if you would be so kind is to...GET ME OUT OF THIS THING!" I yelled and moved my shoulders.</p>
<p>"Soon Beyond. Soon. The straight jacket is..appropriate."</p>
<p>I groaned in annoyance. "When will I get out of this?"</p>
<p>"Like I said soon. For now I need you to be patient and there is someone here too see you."</p>
<p><em>Patient?</em> I thought and snorted. "Fine." I grumbled and stepped onto the cold floor. I curled my toes and sighed.</p>
<p>"Make sure there is some shoes in here when he comes back." He told one of the orderlies.</p>
<p>I stumbled forward a bit. Walking with this might be a little harder than I thought... I tried standing straight but I was so use to walking with my back being a little hunch over... I shook my head and thought. The only time I walked like that was when I was... imitating L..</p>
<p>"Right in here Beyond. And you're therapist is already waiting for you inside. Every therapy lesson will be an hour long if not a bit less. During the lesson it is confidential but if she feels that your a danger to yourself and other we will be force to act."</p>
<p>I nod and sighed. "Yeah, I get it." I said and walked inside the office. My eyes gazed around to see many certificates and awards for different types of degrees. I caught a glimpse of the name of the proud owner who had them displayed there. <em>Bethany Rodriguez</em> they said. As I came a little closer there she stood.</p>
<p>She must of been almost six feet tall tall and held her long brown hair back in a ponytail. I raised an eyebrow as she looked at me with her almond colored eyes.</p>
<p>"Hello. You must be Beyond. I'm Doctor. Bethany-" She began to say before I cut her off.</p>
<p>"Bethany Rodriquez. Yeah I know. I read what your diplomas said." I told her as she gestured me to sit down at one of the black leather chairs facing her. I sighed and did without any hesitations.</p>
<p>"And I now you must know why you’re here?" She asked and pulled off her glasses, gently folding them onto her lap.</p>
<p>"You're a therapist so I assume I'm going to talk with you about random stuff and you try to figure out what's wrong with me?" I said. <em>Find out what's wrong with me huh?</em> I chuckled at the very thought.</p>
<p>"Do you believe there is something wrong with you?" She asked and raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"You're a professional shrink. You tell me." I said and leaned back onto the chair.</p>
<p>"Alright then." She chuckled softly and looked at me. Her eyes looked at me, carefully studying me. To be honest she was kind of freaking me out by the way she looked at me.</p>
<p>I stiffened uncomfortably in the chair and looked onto the floor to avoid her gaze.</p>
<p>She leaned back into her chair and crossed her legs. "Well Beyond what I can tell is that there is nothing wrong with you. But I do see that you look like you could use someone to talk too." She leaned over to her desk and picked up what looked like a folder. I squinted my eyes too see that my name was written on it.</p>
<p>I raised an eyebrow and wondered. What was in it? If not anything already. "So enlighten me Doc. What do you know about me so far?" I smirked.</p>
<p>"Well Beyond do you want my opinion of you or what your file says?" She said and held it up.</p>
<p>"Both." I smirked still.</p>
<p>"Well in the file it says that you are a demented sociopath without a single ounce of remorse for human kind. And do you know how they got that without interviewing you?" She raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>I simply shrugged and let her finish.</p>
<p>"On how you staged you're crime scenes. Mutilating your victims post mortem. You even went to the extreme to pull out Quarter Queen's eyes and crush them. Soon you put on her glasses after. Which I never understood. I get cleaning up the crime scene but why take the time to put the clothes on back on your victims?"</p>
<p>"C..can you stop..?" I murmur to myself.</p>
<p>"Why? Don't you like hearing your handiwork? What about Backyard Bottomslash? Did she like it when you strangled, beating her, causing massive hemorrhaging and stabbed her until she died from blood loss? But no you didn't stop there. You chopped off her right leg and left arm at the root. And for what? To make her into a clock for you're sick game."</p>
<p>"P..please stop." I asked again, trying not to raise my voice.</p>
<p>Bethany sighed and closed my file and places it back onto her desk. "And you want to know my opinion of you?"</p>
<p>"Do I even have a choice?"</p>
<p>"I think that you a very disturbed young man who is in need of plenty of therapy and with the right medication you will get better. I also know that you must of held in lots of anger from over the years and I want to know what exactly set you off to commit the grisly murders in the first place."</p>
<p>"Wow Doc. You make me sound like an experiment." I chuckle a bit and narrow my eyes at her. "What's your angle?"</p>
<p>"No angle. I genuine want to understand you Beyond. Will you possible put your trust in me?"</p>
<p>I raised an eyebrow in suspicion. I still didn't trust her, but hell what's the worst that can happen? Soon I nodded in agreement. "Alright then Bethany. I'll start from the beginning and work my way towards the murders..on a few conditions on my own. They aren't nonnegotiable. Choose to ignore my demands and here on out I'll remain comatose for the rest of my days."</p>
<p>She thought about it for a moment. "Depends on what your demands are."</p>
<p>"My first demand is that you get me out of this straight jacket. Second is if I find out which I will because I'm good at reading people find out that you're a two faced bitch we stop talking. I don't care if I'm forced to come to you I simply wont talk and just waste your time. Next is while I'm talking I can choose to stop if and when I want too. And it will be my choice if I continue the story for another day. Deal?" I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>She sighed. "Fine. You will be out of that straight jacket. BUT! If I find out that you’re a danger to yourself or others you'll be back in that straight jacket."</p>
<p>I grinned. "Deal. Let's see. Where to start.."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. My Story To Tell</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I made up some of the details on Beyond's parents and his background. None of it is in Death Note: Another Note. The plot line is mine, but the characters belong to the author! Enjoy!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dr. Rodriguez pulled out from her desk a gray recorder and placed it on the armrest of her chair. "As part of are agreement you let me record our entire sessions. You tell everything you want me to know, you are allowed to stop when you feel like you cannot continue any longer and will leave it for another day. And I will not share the information you share with me." She said as she pressed play.</p>
<p>I nodded and breathed a bit, picking up my knees to my chest; rapping my arms around myself. "I don't remember much of my childhood." I sighed softly and rubbed my wrist lightly. I loved the feeling of finally being freed of that damn straight-jacket.</p>
<p>"It's alright Beyond. Just tell me what you know." She said softly and looked at me.</p>
<p>"I know what you must think. <em>Who would name their kids Beyond Birthday</em>? But it’s  been so long that I don't even remember my own real name." I sighed.</p>
<p>"So Beyond is just an alias then?" She asked, searching for the answer in my face.</p>
<p>I simply shrugged. "Beyond Birthday is my name. It has been since I was alive and will be until my death. And if you read in my file my other alias was Rue Ryuzaki. Don't ask me why. I just liked that name and when I didn't want to give my actual name, Ryuzaki acted as my cover."</p>
<p>"Why? Was there someone or something you were hiding from?"</p>
<p>"Something like that. Anyways I trailed off to the unimportant details. But I'll get to that when I tell my story first." I chuckled and rubbed the inside of my wrist again. "I was about four when my father was murdered in an alleyway by a group of thugs who wanted his wallet." I said bitterly and breathed.</p>
<p>"That must of been a terrible tragedy to lose ones father so young."</p>
<p>"And you know why he got killed? Because I was being a pushy brat and insisted that he make a quick run to the store for some milk and strawberries for my pancakes." I sighed and laid my head on my knees.</p>
<p>"You had no idea that your father would have been murdered that day. You shouldn't have blamed yourself."</p>
<p><em>But I did...</em> I thought sadly. "You know how they left my dads body? The coroner counted twenty stab-wounds and they went to the extreme to slit his throat. After he was dead on the ground."</p>
<p>"And you remember that? Interesting."</p>
<p>I sighed. "It’s s nothing you forget." I mumbled. "I still remember the look on my mothers face when they told her the news. From the two of us she must of took it the hardest."</p>
<p>"And how did you take it Beyond?" She raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"At first fine. But I couldn't sleep without playing the final moments leading up to my fathers death in my head. I cried every night since then, until my little eyes couldn't anymore. And my mother became a living corpse so to speak. The house that was once filled with joy and laughter was replaced with a dreary tomb of melancholy."</p>
<p>"And your mother did not seek counselling?"</p>
<p>I shook my head. "We barely spoke in those times. But let me continue with the story. After the two years since my fathers death my mother soon died."</p>
<p>"How did.." She asked softly and pushed a box of tissues my way.</p>
<p><em>As if I'd take one.</em> I thought and rolled my eyes. "It was in mid May. I was at the babysitter that my mother had hired to look after me when she was at work. I didn't know about her passing until later that night. I was told that she died on impact when the train crashed and that she didn't suffer. As that made any difference. I was officially an orphan after her funeral."</p>
<p>"How terrible. That is one pain no child should ever bare." She sighed. "Do you wish to stop?"</p>
<p>I shook my head. "I can keep going. Since I had no close family I was sent to an orphanage for a month until.."</p>
<p>She leaned forward in her chair and waited.</p>
<p>"I was soon adopted by a man named Quillsh Wammy. And he asked my social worker for everything they had on me school wise. He even had me take an IQ test before the adoption was final. Oddest thing I thought for a child of six years." I chuckled some.</p>
<p>"And what was your IQ?"</p>
<p>"On the paper it said that I was a genius apparently." I chuckled more and looked at her. "I didn't think much of it at first. All I wanted to do was to pleas him so that I wouldn't stay in that horrible orphanage another day longer. But I couldn't be more wrong." I sighed.</p>
<p>"Was this man Quillsh Wammy a terrible man?" She raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"By terrible man do you mean has he done anything to me? Quite the opposite. Once the adoption papers were signed we headed to Winchester, England. My child's mind and expectations were a house with a decent space for a playground. Like the one back at my home, but instead my new home was to be another orphanage."</p>
<p>"So after all that trouble the whole point was to place you in another orphanage? Why did he go through the trouble?" She asked a hint of disgust in her voice. "Was all he desired the government check that was sent?"</p>
<p>"I thought so at first but I didn't know what to think. All I cared about was a better place to live and Wammy's House was perfect. Better than the orphanage I was sent to in the beginning. I was fed everyday, had clothes, books. It was great for the next few years until I turned thirteen."</p>
<p>"Which was?"</p>
<p>"I always had an interest in learning new things and that's exactly what I received. The best education possible. I read many books to the point where I memorized whole volumes in poetry, law, and economics. That's how my obsession with knowledge began. I refrained myself from having the pleasures that other boys had and focused on what I lacked and demanded new challenges. So I picked up learning foreign languages like Greek, Latin, French, German, etc." I chuckled.</p>
<p>"Wow. And this man Quillsh he supported you in all of this?"</p>
<p>I nodded. "He encouraged me to do all of these. Wammy's house wasn't just a regular orphanage. It was an orphanage for talented children. I didn't know what that meant until a few months ago Mr. Wammy brought in a boy who I only knew as A. That was another thing about Wammy's house that I did not understand. We never used our real names. Just aliases." I shrugged and yawned a bit. "How long have I been talking?"</p>
<p>She looked at her watch and pressed paused on the recorder. "For an hour and thirty-minutes. I'm impressed."</p>
<p>"Kind of figured. Shall I keep going?"</p>
<p>"If you feel like you can continue. Then go ahead." She said and un-paused the recorder.</p>
<p>"Me and A at first did not get along, but since we shared a room it was only rational that we should start to get along. Wouldn't you agree? Anyways as I was saying we shared a similar interest in learning which was great. We constantly tested each other with riddles and never ending games. To see who was smarter than the other." I chuckled and smiled.</p>
<p>How much I missed those times with A... "But it was always a tie between us. Soon Mr. Wammy noticed A and started cutting into our time. I would hardly see A for hours at a time. It frustrated me."</p>
<p>"What did Mr. Wammy take A for?" She asked and raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>I shrugged. "I didn't know at first and A wouldn't tell me until I started to snoop around. I followed him to Mr. Wammy's office where they stood in front of a computer screen. But I didn't have enough time to figure out what was going on." I sighed. "Soon I started seeing changes in A. He would stay in our room for days without stepping outside. Our games of riddles stopped. We were like strangers." I shook my head.</p>
<p>"How long did this go on?"</p>
<p>"For quite sometime." I shrugged. "It was a good thing that he talked in his sleep. If not then I would have been left in the dark." I sighed. "Sometimes I wish I was, so I wouldn't know of the horrid burden to come afterwards." I shuddered a bit. </p>
<p>"All he kept mentioning at first was L. Or lets run away BB. When I would hear my name I would have conversations with him while he slept. It was odd but I started to find out that the only reason Mr. Wammy really wanted us was too be the next L." I grumbled in annoyance.</p>
<p>"You knew L?" She raised an eyebrow as I nodded.</p>
<p>"Not personally. Just through a computer." I sighed. "Can I stop?"</p>
<p>She nodded and stopped recording. "Thank you Beyond. You did great. I’ll see you again for you’re next appointment." She said and pressed a button behind her desk. Soon two orderly's came in and waited by the door.</p>
<p>I stood up slowly and made my way towards them quietly. One of them gripped my arm and dragged me through the hall. "When will I get too eat?" I asked as they opened the door to my room.</p>
<p>"Someone will bring it to you." One said and pushed me inside.</p>
<p>I heard the lock snap into place as I sighed. As I looked forward the room I was in before changed back into my old room back at Wammy's.</p>
<p>"Hey B. I didn't know you were in here." Said a voice from behind.</p>
<p>I turned around to see that it was A holding a stack of books in his arms. "I thought we could give each other riddles until supper. Feel up to it?" He grinned and sat on his bed across from mine.</p>
<p>"You're on!" I grinned and sat onto the floor facing him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Happy Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"I don't have to hear anything to see that BB has a little crush on Marcy." He teased. "And who wouldn't. She breathtakingly beautiful. You have really good taste."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Um thanks." I chuckled nervously and kept paying attention to the book I was reading. How much did A really know? I would have eventually brought her up..eventually..</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I hope you get her bro." A smiled at me and laid down on his bed. "Get out of Wammy's, get married, start a family.." He said as I closed the book.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I haven't even said a sentence to her and you're already here talking about marriage and kids.." I mumbled.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It's just something to think about." He chuckled as I threw the pillow at his face.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Shut up and go to sleep." I told him as he threw me back my pillow...</em>
</p>
<p>I sat up quickly and rubbed my eyes, breathing heavily. Why did I have to dream about them now of all times. Especially about her! I laid back down and panted softly. It’s  been so long since my thoughts went to her. I would’ve thought I've forgotten her.</p>
<p>Marcy... I murmured and slowly started to drifted into sleep. The next morning during breakfast I sat by the window staring outside and sighed. The only time I'll ever be close to the outside. I gently touched the window with my fingertips, savoring the feeling.</p>
<p>"Beyond!" Someone called to me, bringing me out of my thought. "You have a visitor."</p>
<p>I turn back and raise an eyebrow. "I have no visitors." I said and turn back to the window. "Whoever it is tell them I'm sick or something."</p>
<p>"It's the policewomen from the courtroom. She's demanding to see you."</p>
<p>"I don't care. I'm pretty sure I can refuse whoever. If she has a problem then she can take it up with my doctor." I slammed my fist down on the table knocking over my cup, causing some of the orderly's to stand up. I held my hands up and got up peacefully. "Great! Now I can't enjoy my day!" I grumbled and felt them push me towards the door.</p>
<p>Naomi sat waiting at the table, tapping her fingers impatiently. He should have been here already. She thought and looked at her watch.</p>
<p>Soon Beyond's doctor came instead of him and she quickly got up. "Where's Beyond Birthday?!" Naomi demanded.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news Ms. Misora but you will not be having access to my patient. And I am not just saying this as his doctor but he himself does not want to see you."</p>
<p>"Then why isn't he here to tell me that himself!" She shouted. "You can't keep hiding him forever."</p>
<p>"What do you have to gain? There was already a trial and he was found not competent. I'm curious to know what your angle is?"</p>
<p>"I was right beside him when he posed as a detective. He's a sociopath! I hope you of all people are not believing this farce."</p>
<p>The doctor sighed. "I don't expect you to take my word on anything. But the Beyond you knew who committed those murders isn't the same one in this hospital. I can't explain it, but he's change in someway. I will try to convince him to see you, but I make no promises."</p>
<p>Naomi sighed and nodded. "Fine then. You have my card."</p>
<hr/>
<p>I was back in my room looking up at the wall. "Back here." I murmured and kicked off my shoes. Whoever came, damn them! Cause of my little outburst I'm now confined in this room until the doc gives me the okay. Luckily my session would be soon. </p>
<p>There was a gentle knock and I sat up slowly. Normally I would have thought it be the orderly's like always but instead it was my doctor.</p>
<p>"This is a surprise." I said and rubbed the back of my neck.</p>
<p>"I thought I'd come get you this time." She said and held her hand out. "Because I thought we could talk about Naomi Misora?"</p>
<p>I slowly took her hand and got up. "I don't really know her that well, just up to the point..." I murmured and shuddered some.</p>
<p>"She has quite the vendetta against you." She chuckled softly and closed the door to my room and began to walk.</p>
<p>I followed right beside her and shrugged. "I guess so.. But she can't get to me in here can she?"</p>
<p>"Not without a warrant or your permission. Which I'm assuming she has none." She told me and rubbed my shoulder. "Just because you’re in here doesn't make you any less of a human being without any rights."</p>
<p>I nodded and opened the door to her office. Taking my normal seat across from her. "Is it okay that we don't talk about her today?" I asked and picked my feet up.</p>
<p>"We don't have to talk about anything that you’re not comfortable with." She said and took out her recorder.</p>
<p>I nodded and laid my chin on my knees. " I had a dream about my friend A. We were in our room like the old days. Talking about if we were studying anything new..then he brings up someone from my past." I said and rubbed my cheek. " A girl that I used to know."</p>
<p>"A girl? What was her name?"</p>
<p>I shrugged, not wanting to tell her. Just knowing about A was enough. She couldn't know about Marcy.. "I don't remember, I wasn't really paying attention."</p>
<p>She nodded. "Just tell me what you remember."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>After my session with the doc I went back to my room and laid down on my bed. Nothing better to do than sleep. I pulled my arm over my eyes. I wanted to dream of Marcy. Something sweet to get me through the night at least. </p>
<p>I smiled at the thought.</p>
<p>Breathing in deeply I mustered up enough courage to ask Marcy to walk around Wammy's with me.</p>
<p>"Of course I'd love to BB!" She said happily and took my hand.</p>
<p>"G..great!" I said nervously and held her hand. Behind my back A grinned from ear to ear and mouthed, <em>details</em>, right before I left. I shook my head and chuckled some.</p>
<p>"It's beautiful out! Isn't it B?" She said and smiled.</p>
<p>I nodded and smiled. <em>So are you Marcy.. I hope you know that.</em> I thought with a small chuckle.</p>
<p>"What's so funny B?" She raised an eyebrow and smiled.</p>
<p>"Oh nothing. Nothing." I teased her, gently pinching her sides.</p>
<p>She giggled and smiled. "I'm glad that you asked me to walk with you BB. I've always seen you and you’re friend around but normally you two keep to yourselves."</p>
<p>"Yeah.. We normally don't socialize with anybody else other than each other."</p>
<p>"Well I hope we continue to talk." She smiled and entwined her fingers with mine.</p>
<p>I could feel my heart start to beat faster. This is the first time I've even held hands with a girl in general. It felt nice. "Want to make this a usual? I'll meet you at the front door at five? I..If you want too anyways.."</p>
<p>“I'd be honored." She smiled and leaned closer to me.</p>
<p><em>The feelings mutual my dear.</em> I thought happily and smiled. I smiled more today then I ever had in a long time.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Is It Really You?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A few weeks gone by since my dreams about Marcy started to come back to me. Honestly I really liked that the memories of her were coming back. It seems to be the only thing keeping me going. It made me happy in a way. </p>
<p>I couldn't explain it. Even a few people around the hospital started to notice my behavior. Asking if I was on some new medication. Because I never really showed any actual expression other than a slight frown. I shrugged them off though. I wasn't going to let the crazies bring me down.</p>
<p>I was in the cafeteria again, near the window away from the rest of the patients. The sun barely visible behind the clouds.</p>
<p>"Looks like it might rain." I murmured and took a sip of water.</p>
<p>"BB?" Said someone from behind me.</p>
<p>I turn my head slowly. "Yeah?"</p>
<p>"You have a visitor today."</p>
<p>I groaned frustrated and frowned. "If it's that cop again tell her I ain't going to talk to her without a warrant. She's wasting her time coming here."</p>
<p>"It's not the police woman this time. She says that she knew you back in a place called Wammy's?"</p>
<p>I stood up quickly, knocking down my cup. "Are you positive that's what she said?!"</p>
<p>They nodded. "Are you going to go or not?"</p>
<p>"Y..yeah! I'll go." I said and breathed in deeply.</p>
<p>I walked behind them in the hall, still a bundle of nerves. Once we were in the interview rooms, in the center of the room there she was. My breath caught in my throat when I saw that flowing blonde hair. At this moment I could have sworn that this was a dream. </p>
<p>I rubbed my eyes quickly and gently slapped my cheeks. This definitely must be a dream. This couldn't be my Marcy. The one I left behind.</p>
<p>She slowly turned around and smiled brightly at me. "Hey there BB. It's been so long!" She gushed and turned to the orderly. "Can I hug him?"</p>
<p>The orderly shrugged. "Your not really suppose to be touching the patients but I wont say anything."</p>
<p>"Thanks!" She smiled and rushed towards me, wrapping her arms around me tight.</p>
<p>It took me another second to process what was going on. Was this not a dream? Is my dream girl really here holding me. I slowly wrapped my arms around her and pulled her closer. "I can't believe it’s really you Marcy." I murmured and slowly pulled back a bit. "How did you find me?"</p>
<p>"It wasn’t easy BB. But when I heard of your court case I didn't really believe it was you.. until I saw your picture. Then I rushed right over here." She smiled and slowly let go. "I was kinda worried since they told me that you weren't excepting anymore visits I begged for them to tell you who was here in hopes that you would reconsider."</p>
<p>I smiled more and hugged her even tighter. "I'm really glad they told me! I was really skeptical at first.. but then they said Wammy's then I knew it had to be you! You don't know how happy I am right now Marcy!"</p>
<p>She giggled and leaned into me. "I'm glad you are. It makes me happy to hear that. Let's sit, enough of this standing."</p>
<p>I nodded as I finally let her go. She went to go sit down as I sat across from her. As I looked at her more I could see that she really didn't change. She was still shorter than me, she still looked the same on her face. But of course older now.</p>
<p>"Why do you keep staring at me?" She raised an eyebrow at me. "Do I have something on my face?"</p>
<p>"Hmm.. well you do have something, since you pointed it out to me." I smiled and reached forward to gently brush her hair from her face. "I think I caught it now."</p>
<p>She blushed slightly and coughed a bit. "Did you get it?"</p>
<p>I nodded and smiled. "All gone... Why did you find me..? It's not like I'm not happy.. I am! I'm just really curious."</p>
<p>"I was in the library, right when I was about to leave someone left the newspaper on one of the tables. It was what I saw on the front page that caught my attention, along with your picture. So I started to ask around.."</p>
<p>I gulped and nodded slowly. "So you know.." I murmured nervously.</p>
<p>She nodded and gently took my hand. "I do.. But I know you wern't in your right state of mind. I know you BB. The BB i know would never purposely hurt someone."</p>
<p>I held onto her hand and smiled. "Thank you Marcy. I really needed to hear that."</p>
<p>"Wrap it up BB." Said one of the orderlies by the door.</p>
<p>I sighed as she gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "I guess my times almost up."</p>
<p>"Don't worry about it." She smiled. "I'll come back to see you."</p>
<p>I smiled back and gently ran my thumb across the top of her hand. I wanted to do more but soon I felt hands on my shoulders and force me out of the chair.</p>
<p>"Time already up BB." Said the orderly.</p>
<p>"Awe come on! Just give me a few more minutes?!" I protested and looked at Marcy.</p>
<p>She walked up to me and hugged me tightly. "Don't worry, I will come back. Don't freight." She whispered and gently kissed my cheek.</p>
<p>Before I could speak I was dragged back, stunned on what just happened. Marcy waved goodbye to me as she turned to go.</p>
<p>When she was finally out of sight I was pushed back into my room. It took me a couple minutes to get my head back on my shoulders. I slowly touched my cheek. It's been so long since I was kissed by her..</p>
<p>I couldn't help but smile like an idiot. For the first time I actually felt a bit of happiness in my on going misery. I walked to my bed and laid down and stared up to the ceiling.</p>
<p>"Until next time my love." I murmured and closed my eyes.</p><hr/>
<p>For the next few days I walked around with the hugest smile on my face. I could tell my sudden mood change was making the other loonies uncomfortable. I normally was the gloomy one out of the whole bunch but right now I wasn't.</p>
<p>I had no reason to be gloomy, after seeing Marcy's face, it perked me up. And knowing that she was coming back to see me brought more of a smile to my face. I truly felt like I could go on.</p>
<p>"Hey BB. Your session with the doc is up." Someone called out to me.</p>
<p>I nodded and made my way towards her office and opened the door.</p>
<p>"Hello BB." She smiled at me. "Take a seat."</p>
<p>I closed the door behind me and sat down. I pulled my knees up to my chest. "I really don't have much to dump on you."</p>
<p>"How about we start off with something small? Tell me about why you've gotten so happy?"</p>
<p>I felt a bit of a blush creep into my cheeks. "Y..you noticed?"</p>
<p>She chuckled and nodded. "I have. And I've been pretty curious. Did it have anything to do with the visitor you had not too long ago?"</p>
<p>"Your pretty sharp." I chuckled and nodded. "Yeah. After she came I just felt different."</p>
<p>"That's good. I'm glad that she's having a positive effect on you. Keep it up and I'm sure you'll have more privileges around here." She smiled.</p>
<p>I nodded. "Sounds good. I feel like I am getting somewhat better."</p>
<p>"Good. Good. I'm glad to hear that."</p>
<p>After my session with the doc I started to wonder. What kind of privileges did she mean? Would I get a chance to step outside and smell the fresh air? Feeling the sun rather then feeling the fluorescent light, which made me sick to look at. I would hope so.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Happiness & Heartache</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Towards the end after the heartbreak is the talk about suicide/ committing. In no way, shape or form do I condone the act! And if you’re sensitive to that topic PLEASE SKIP THE END!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Weeks have passed since the day Marcy started to come and see me. And everyday it made me happier and less miserable. The days in this place seemed more bearable than normal. I was smiling more than normal and it seemed to scare everyone around me. I was never the one to smile about anything, ever. </p>
<p>I was even trying to make myself seem less gloomy so that I looked like my old self. Before that night happened.<br/>I shook my head and rubbed my eyes. I couldn't be thinking about this, not now.</p>
<p>I needed to focus on Marcy. Marcy was the key to gaining my sanity. And maybe even my freedom again. I can probably get an early release than living out my days in here. I can finally live the rest of my days with the woman I love.</p>
<p>"BB. Your visitor is here again." Said one of the orderly's and opened the door to my room. I stood up and stretched my arms. I walked passed him and towards the hallways but he grabbed my arm.</p>
<p>"She's not there. She's outside. The doctor said that you can finally take your time outside. That you finally deserve it. But you better watch yourself. The quickly it came the quickly that it will be taken away from you." They warned and I simply nodded.</p>
<p>"This won't be taken away from me. I've finally earned something." I said and walked in the opposite direction. The weather had to be great out. I gently gripped the door but stopped myself.</p>
<p>She was waiting outside for me but I didn't want to open the door. I was waiting for somebody to come and stop me. To drag me to a white padded cell in a strait jacket. I shuddered at the thought and took a deep breath.</p>
<p>I opened the door and the first thing I saw was the blinding sun. I squinted my eyes and stepped outside. The breeze felt amazing against my face and I spread my arms out. For the first time I felt just a little bit free.</p>
<p>"BB!" Marcy called out to me and waved her hand. She wore a pretty pink sundress, that showed off her shoulders and figure. I smiled and waved back.</p>
<p>She looked more beautiful today than any other day. If only I was allowed to take pictures. I sighed and walked over to her.</p>
<p>"Isn't it beautiful today? I thought it be a great day for a picnic." She smiled and grabbed my hand.</p>
<p>"Picnic?" I blinked and let her pull me to the bench.</p>
<p>She nodded and sat down, pulling me with her. "Your doctor said for me to do whatever I can to make you feel better. And to get you back on your feet."</p>
<p>I nodded and leaned onto her. "What's for lunch?"</p>
<p>"Turkey and cheddar cheese sandwich with honey mustard for me and strawberry jam for you. I'll bring you more sweets." She smiled and took out the jar.</p>
<p>I took the jar from her and opened it. I dipped my fingers in and licked them.</p>
<p>She giggled some and started to eat her sandwich. "You're still the same BB."</p>
<p>"Maybe not all the same…" I mumbled and ate some more jam.</p>
<p>"Doesn't mean you can't again." She looked at me and gently touched my shoulder.</p>
<p>I nodded and smiled. "Your right. I can't thank you enough."</p>
<p>"You don't have to thank me." She said and licked her lips. "We have to stick together."</p>
<p>I nodded happily.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Everyday Marcy come to see me I felt happiness inside of me. True happiness. And I wanted to express my love for her. But every time the perfect moment came, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. Or even show some kind of affection. God what was wrong with me? I felt like a hopeless school boy.</p>
<p><em>What could I do?</em> I thought to myself and laid back on my bed. There was so many possibilities but I just didn't know what! I wanted to do something for her that wouldn't be too corny. Something that no one has ever done. Something unexpected. Something she wouldn't expect <em>me</em> to do.</p>
<p>That's when the idea came to me. I got up quickly and rushed towards the doctor's office and banged on the door. I didn't know if she was even going to be there. Hopefully she was, there was a favor that I needed from her.</p>
<p>After a few more tries the door finally opened and she raised an eyebrow at me. "Can I help you Beyond?" She asked and opened the door more.</p>
<p>"You know how Marcy has been coming to see me? And all the treats she brings me? Well I know I don't have many options cause…since it’s me… And there's not many things I can use in here... But I would like to know if you can bring me something? Just let me borrow it for a bit and I promise to give it right back."</p>
<p>"Depends on what you want?" She asked, even more curious than before.</p>
<p>"Can you borrow a book for me? From the library."</p>
<p>"A book? What kind of book do you want?"</p>
<p>"Um…umm…" I mumbled and twiddled my fingers a bit. "I'm actually embarrassed to say…"</p>
<p>"Is it appropriate?"</p>
<p>"Of course it is!" I yelped and blinked a bit. "It’s <em>World's Greatest Love Poems… </em>There's a poem by Beethoven that she always loved for me to read to her. I wanted to read it to her soon. And do another thing also…" I murmured and breathed.</p>
<p>She smiled at me and gently pinched my cheek. "How sweet! This is a whole different side of you that I never seen. After my paperwork Ill head to the library and I'll get the book for you.</p>
<p>"Thank you so much. I greatly appreciate it." I said and rubbed my red cheeks.</p>
<p>"Run along now." She chuckled and closed her door gently.</p>
<p>I gently touched the door. "Thank you so much." I murmured and slowly headed back to my room. As I walked I felt a small sense of dread come over me. Why was I feeling this way? I should be feeling happy. But why do I feel like something wants to claw its way from my stomach.</p>
<p><em><b>She doesn't love you idiot.</b></em> A voice chuckled darkly.<b><em>You're going to make a big fool out of yourself. And when you destroy yourself in the process I will be here. Waiting to get out and play.</em></b></p>
<p>I blinked and looked around. I was alone in the hallway. Who could have said that? I shook my head quickly and opened the door to my room.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>The possibilities are endless right now. I want to get my hands on that pretty little throat of hers. Feel the way she struggles against my grip. Seeing the light drain from her eyes. Maybe I'll do to her what I did to Barnyard Queen. But much more creative.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>I covered my ears with my hands and looked around the room. Who was saying those horrible things?</p>
<p><em><b>Over here!</b></em> It chuckled as I looked towards the mirror and gripped my hair. I saw myself in the mirror but instead of black eyes looking at me they were blood red. With a maniacal smile spread across it’s lips. <em><b>I knew you could hear me. I know you want to do bad things to her.</b></em></p>
<p>"No I don't. I love her. I would never lay a hand on her!" I shouted.</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>You say that now but when the time comes…you will. And you will love every moment of it! Just like before. You can't deny what you are… what we are.</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>"I am nothing like you! I'm a different person now! I won't go back to that place! I rather die first!" I clenched my fist and tried not to hit the mirror.</p>
<p><em><b>You are going to be very entertaining…</b></em> It chuckled some and grinned.</p>
<p>I closed my eyes tightly and pulled on my hair. This couldn't be happening. Not right now! I couldn't be falling apart now! I was finally starting to get some of my sanity back. Now I had to deal with things that aren't there! It was even threatening Marcy!</p>
<p>“I will never hurt her." I whispered and rubbed my eyes.</p>
<p>The rest of the night I laid awake, looking at the wall. Waiting. Waiting to hear the voice again. Wondering what it was going to say next. What malicious things it wanted to do to her. And what I could do to stop it. I had a feeling that I wasn't going to get any sleep tonight. I sat up in bed and rubbed the back of my neck. Maybe I could use this time to figure out what else I wanted to do for her.</p>
<p>The doc was already going to get me the book, that part was taken care of for me. Now I just needed a perfect setting. Then that's when it came to me.</p>
<p>"That's it." I whispered and went to lay down again.</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Here you go BB." Said the doc and handed me the book. I took it from her and gently grazed the front cover.</p>
<p>"Thank you. I can't give enough thanks." I said and smiled. It was finally coming together. Today was the day I’d declared my love for her. I was pretty fucking nervous. I breathed shakily and stood up.</p>
<p>"There's no need to thank me. Just seeing you happy makes me happy. If this keeps up there may be a possibility of you getting out early." She said and looked up from her paperwork. "You'll still be monitored but you'll be a free man."</p>
<p>I blinked a bit. <em>Free?</em> I thought. That word felt so foreign to me. But I was counting on that. I'd be no use to Marcy if I was locked up in here. "I would love that. I hope it happens."</p>
<p>She smiled at me and went back to writing. I stood up and headed for the door and walked out. There was still some time till she came.</p>
<p>"Plenty of time." I said and headed towards my room and sat down on my bed. I laid the book down and pull out some colored paper. I wasn't the crafty kind of person but for Marcy I could make the attempt.</p>
<p>Hours must have passed till the door opened again and I looked up from the mess on my bed.</p>
<p>"It's time BB." They said and opened the door more.</p>
<p>"I nodded and brushed the clippings off of me and went to the mirror and rubbed under eyes. I was a bit of a mess but nothing too bad. I smoothed out the hairs from my face and pushed them back. I rarely showed my face but this time was going to be a special day. A day I wanted to remember.</p>
<p>"Today BB! Either hurry or you can forget going." They said annoyed.</p>
<p>"Coming, coming." I mumbled and grabbed the book. I passed them and glared before running down the hall.</p>
<p>No one was going to take this awake from me! I wasn't going to let them. Not today, not ever. I opened the door to the outside and felt the cool breeze. It wasn't sunny like the last few times but it will do. I looked around and held the book to my chest and walk towards the usual spot, where we met and saw her.</p>
<p>She turned around and smiled at me. Instead of another dress she wore casual clothes. <em>She must have felt cold.</em> I thought and walked up to her. "Hey there beautiful." I smiled and gently kissed her cheek.</p>
<p>She blushed a bit and held her cheek. "It's kind of chilly outside. You're not cold?"</p>
<p>I shook my head. "It feels really nice outside. I like it."</p>
<p>"Maybe if I sat closer to you I'll get warm." She smiled and leaned onto me.</p>
<p>"I'll always keep you warm love." I smiled and kissed her cheek more.</p>
<p>"Stop." She giggled and pinched my sides. "What's that?" She asked and looked at the book under my arm.</p>
<p>"I planned something special. I think you're going to love it." I smiled and sat down, against the tree and gently patted the spot next to me. She sat down and laid her head against my shoulder.</p>
<p>"I'm curious now. Please share."</p>
<p>I took the book and opened to her favorite poem. "I don't know if you remember that one time at Wammy's?" I asked and looked at her.</p>
<p>"How could I forget." She smiled. "Keep going please."</p>
<p>“<em>My angel, my all, my own self — only a few words today, and that too with pencil (with yours) — only till tomorrow is my lodging definitely fixed. What abominable waste of time in such things — why this deep grief, where necessity speaks?"</em> I read and looked at her. She smiled brightly and slowly slid her hand in mine.</p>
<p>"The love letter from Beethoven." She murmured and gave my hand a squeeze.</p>
<p>I smiled more and kissed her hair. "I remembered how you always loved it. And I wanted to read it to you. Like old times." I murmured and continued. <em>"Can our love persist otherwise than through sacrifices, then by not demanding everything? Canst thou change it, that thou are not entirely mine, I not entirely thine? Oh, God, look into beautiful Nature and compose your mind to the inevitable. Love demands everything and is quite right, so it is for me with you, for you with me — only you forget so easily, that I must live for you and for me — were we quite united, you would notice this painful feeling as little as I should...<br/>We shall probably soon meet, even today I cannot communicate my remarks to you, which during these days I made about my life — were our hearts close together, I should probably not make any such remarks. My bosom is full, to tell you much — there are moments when I find that speech is nothing at all. Brighten up — remain my true and only treasure, my all, as I to you. The rest the gods must send, what must be for us and shall."</em> I finished and looked down at her.</p>
<p>She slowly rubbed her eyes and looked at me. "It's still as beautiful as ever. Thank you for sharing it with me again."</p>
<p>"There's more angel." I said and sat up.</p>
<p>She blinked at me, confused. "There is?"</p>
<p>"Remember when we talked about running away together. So we can get married, start our own family. Finally, be free of Wammy. I proposed to you that night..."</p>
<p>"How could I forget. I waited for you that night... But you never came for me." She sniffled and I saw the tears run down her eyes.</p>
<p>I gently rubbed her cheek and pulled her close and kissed her deeply. She blinked a bit and quickly pulled back. "BB…" She murmured and looked at me.</p>
<p>"I love you Marcy. I always have. I regret that night so much. I should have come for you and ran away like we planned. I can't change that but now I have a chance to do that." I smiled and took her hands. "There's a chance I will be getting out. We can be together again. Just like we planned."</p>
<p>"BB…" She stuttered and quickly stood up.</p>
<p>I got on one knee and took her left hand. "Marcy, will you please be my wife?" I asked and pulled out a paper ring that I made. "I know it's not like the one I gave you before. But once I get out I'll get you the one you rightfully deserve." I said and smiled up at her. "Will you please marry me and spend the rest of your life with me?"</p>
<p>She stood there and put her hand to her mouth in shock. I know I caught her off guard but I couldn't keep it to myself. I needed to get it out there. I knew she was going to say yes. I just caught her off guard. That's why she was speechless.</p>
<p>"BB… I…I... I can't do that..." She said and took her hand back.</p>
<p>I blinked confused. The words didn't seem real to me right now. "What do you mean no? But I love you Marcy."</p>
<p>"I know you do! I love you too BB. I always have. And I always will till the day I die. But I can't marry you."</p>
<p>"Why not?! You just said that you love me! "I said and stood up. I quickly grabbed her face and tried to put another kiss but she pushed me back.</p>
<p>She breathed deeply and reached into her pocket to pull out a diamond ring. I blinked a bit and looked at her. "I'm already engaged to someone else. I wanted to tell you... But you looked so happy! Every time I came, there was the smile I remembered. I couldn't break you’re heart!”</p>
<p>I laughed bitterly and ripped the paper ring I made. "I can't believe how stupid I feel right now! I just confessed my love for you and I get this bullshit!" I shouted. "I think I'm going to be sick." I murmured and put my hand to my mouth.</p>
<p>"Please BB!" She cried and tried to grab my hand.</p>
<p>I quickly pulled my hand back and stepped back. "Don't touch me."</p>
<p>"When you left I didn't think you were coming back for me! You abandoned me when A died! You broke my heart!" She cried more and wiped her eyes.</p>
<p>"Not as bad as you broke mine right now. I guess my karma is starting to come back to me now." I sighed and breathed. "I have to go. Don't come back here Marcy. Not ever."</p>
<p>"Don't do this BB. Please…" She whispered.</p>
<p>"My heart can't do this anymore." I said and turned to walk back inside.</p>
<p>As I walked I could hear her calling my name but I tuned her out. After today the last of me died. I felt cold and numb. More numb than normal. How could I recover from this? I started to bump into people. I made some mad but the rest just ignored me. I couldn't deal with no one else.</p>
<p>When I got to my room I opened the door and slammed it behind me. I started to hit the steel door over and over until I saw blood.</p>
<p>I got a few more hits in before I sank to my knees and leaned my forehead against the floor and broke down. I forgot what actual tears felt like. I didn't think that I could cry. "So weird." I murmured and touched the tears on my cheek.</p>
<p><em><b>Look at you. Pathetic excuse of a man. Crying over a woman.</b></em> It chuckled at me. I could feel the smirked in that voice.</p>
<p>"Please leave me alone. I can't deal with this." I said and sat up. I could see myself sitting on my bed causally. They laid back with their hands behind their head and smirked happily.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Did I not tell you already that she was going to leave you. Did she leave you before or after your little love confession?</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>I shook my head and stood up. "I'm not going to discuss this."</p>
<p><em><b>It must have been after. Ouch. Has to hurt the ego.</b></em> It laughed.</p>
<p>I went to my bed and sat on the corner. I knew I wasn't going to hear the end of it.</p>
<p>It continued to make fun of me and make more jokes about my wounded heart. I closed my eyes and covered my ears. My heart hurt, my knuckles and now my ears. This was a horrible day. What else was going to happen?</p>
<p>My door opened again and I opened my eyes a bit and looked up. It was the doc again and I rubbed my eyes. <em>I forgot the book outside.</em> I thought to myself.</p>
<p>"Are you okay? I heard what happened." She said and walked inside.</p>
<p>I shrugged and closed my eyes again. I couldn't deal with her. "I don't feel like talking about what happened."</p>
<p>"I expect you in my office in ten minutes BB." She said and walked back out without another word.</p>
<p>I laughed a little. Was she deaf? I wasn't going to leave this room. Not even in ten minutes.</p>
<p><em><b>You should go.</b></em> It said and hit me square in the chest. <em><b>It's going to be very interesting.</b></em></p>
<p>I slowly rubbed my chest. "I won't go."</p>
<p>It hit me again on my chest, this time even harder. Knocking the breath right out of me. <em><b>Do as I say!</b></em> It growled and kept hitting me.</p>
<p>I held up my arms to cover myself. "Okay! Okay!" I cried. "You made your point!" I said and sat up. I breathed in deeply and got up quickly. Just as I got up, it got up with me.</p>
<p><em><b>Hurry up!</b></em> It said and shoved me forward.</p>
<p>I stumbled forward and started to walk. I couldn't believe I was letting myself get bullied this way. And by my own self no less. <em>Pathetic.</em> I thought and kept walking towards the doc's office. I knocked on the door slowly and let myself in.</p>
<p>She was behind her desk, writing and looked up. "Have a seat BB."</p>
<p>I did what she asked and picked my feet up to my chest and laid my chin on my knees. "What do you want? Because I really don't feel like talking about anything."</p>
<p>"Then just sit there until you're ready to open up with me. I'm not your enemy. I only wanted to help you." She said and stood up and turned around to file some papers.</p>
<p>I felt something start to nudge my shoulder. I looked up a bit to see it was me again.</p>
<p><em><b>The picture.</b></em> It said and pointed. <em><b>Take the glass and hide it.</b></em></p>
<p>I blinked a bit and looked at the doc to see if she heard it too. But no. She continued to do her business and didn't turn. So it was only me that could hear it. Which could only prove that I was truly going insane. I gripped my hair and hid my eyes on my knees.</p>
<p><em><b>What did I tell you?!</b></em> It shouted. <em><b>Take the glass and hide it! Do it! Do it!</b></em></p>
<p>I shook my head and gripped my hair more. But it kept yelling at me to do it. It wasn't going to stop until I did what it said. I was finally at my breaking point. I lifted my head and saw that she was still filing. </p>
<p>I slowly reached over to grab the picture and quickly undid the frame and took the glass. I hid it in my sleeve and readjusted myself.</p>
<p>She turned around and looked at me. I could have sworn that she knew that I took the glass. I gulped nervously and tried to keep my calm.</p>
<p>"I know you’re hurting right now but I will tell you this. It will get better. I know you don't see it but it will. She won't be the only love of you’re life. You're still young and have plenty of time to figure out who to love. Trust me." She said and sat back down.</p>
<p>I nodded slowly. By the time my session with the doc ended it was already dark. I didn't even talk. I just sat there. Motionless. The only person that was talking was it. It kept laughing at me, jabbing me with his fingers. Pulling at my hair.</p>
<p>I don't think I'll ever have a moment of peace. What was peace? I haven't known that in so long.</p>
<p><em><b>Don't forget about the glass.</b></em> It said.</p>
<p>I took out the glass from my sleeve and looked at it. "What am I going to do with this?"</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Break it and take the sharp end.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>I did what it said and broke it on the floor and searched the shattered pieces, until I found the sharpest one. I held it up. "Now what?"</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Now use it on yourself. On your wrist.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>I blinked bit. "Why would I do that?"</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>You don't want to feel the pain anymore right? Here's your chance to finally to take the pain away. You can end it all right here.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>End it? I never thought I'd do that? I looked at the glass in my hand and gently pointed the sharp edge against my wrist.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>That a boy. Just a bit more pressure.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>I pressed the edge a bit harder. I flinched a bit but didn't pull the glass away. I could feel the trickle of blood run down my hand. I looked at the floor and blinked. I was making a mess on the white floor. Instead of stopping, I just kept going. Dragging the glass over and over my wrist.</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Now the other one. You're doing great.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>I felt a little faint but I started to run the glass on my other wrist now. I stumbled forwards a bit and fell to my knees. My clothes were stained with blood, just like the floor. But I didn't care. With whatever strength I had, I pushed myself onto my side.</p>
<p><em><b>Now doesn't that feel great. Just let go.</b></em> It said and put his hand over my eyes.</p>
<p>"Just let go." I whispered and closed my eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Okay B.B. No more sulking in this room. It's not healthy." Said the doctor as she carefully opened the door. </p>
<p>Inside the room was empty. She raised an eyebrow and looked around. "I don't have time to be playing games." She said as she closed the door behind her. There was no noise in the room. Just silence. Not a breath.</p>
<p>She felt a sudden shiver come over her. She slowly moved closer to the bed and peaked over a bit.What she saw next, she couldn't believe her eyes. She saw his hand and a pool of blood creeping through.</p>
<p>"My god!" She gasped and moved closer to see him on the floor, motionless. She got on her knees next to him and turned him over.</p>
<p>He felt cold as death when she held him.</p>
<p>"Why did you do this B.B?!" She mumbled and took off her coat and covered his wrists with it. She honestly didn't know if he was going to live or die. There was so much blood. </p>
<p>Her clothes were practically drenched in it. She gently set him down and ran to the door and poked her head out. "I need a medic stat!" She yelled out. "Suicide attempt!!! We need to hurry!" She yelled more and banged on the door.</p>
<p>Within five-minutes the room was surrounded with orderlies, one who brought a gurney. Two of them took B.B out of her arms, leaving her on the floor in the pool of his blood. She didn't know if she was too late. Was he even going to make it.</p>
<p>Down the hallway they were rushing B.B to the medical center of the building.</p>
<p>"Is he even alive still?" One asked as they started to clean the blood off his arms.</p>
<p>"He's as white as a ghost." Said another as they opened the curtain to let them in.</p>
<p>"We can't just leave him like this." Said another as they started reading through his charts. "We need to start doing a blood transfusion stat, start hooking him up to a ventilator. </p>
<p>His brain needs oxygen. Who knows how long he's been unconscious like this. It be a miracle if he didn’t come out brain damaged." Another one explained as they started to help put and oxygen mask in his mouth.</p>
<p>Soon after they hooked him up to a monitor to see where his heart beat was at. At first there wasn't a pulse. There was nothing but a flatline on the screen.</p>
<p>"Were not getting a pulse. Should we bring out the defibrillator ?" One suggest.</p>
<p>"Hold on. Just give it a minute." They said as they started to push IV's into his arms.</p>
<p>Another five minutes passed there was still no pulse.</p>
<p>One sighed. "I think we los—" He said but was soon cut off when he heard the heart monitor start to beep. It wasn't a constant beep but it was still there.</p>
<p>Beyond Birthday was alive. Barley but alive.</p>
<p>"Let's get him cleaned up and keep those transfusions coming."</p>
<hr/>
<p>Dr. Rodriguez sat back in her chair and rubbed her eyes. Trying to figure out what had led him to do this. She moved her hand from her face and sat up and scanned her desk, till her eyes fell on the picture frame of her children. She picked it up and saw that the glass was missing.</p>
<p>He must of took it when she had her back turned. That still didn't make sense. Was it because that woman that had come to see him those times? They haven't gotten into details of what happened exactly. All she knew is that she refused his confession and that was the end of it. He didn't allow her to come back after that day.</p>
<p>She sighed and put the picture down. Did he try to commit suicide because of her? When she got him back, she was going to make full well that he never tried to end his life again.</p>
<p>Before she got up the phone started to ring. <em>That must be the medical wing.</em> She thought and picked up the phone.</p>
<p><em><b>Dr. Rodriguez</b></em>? Asked a warped voice.</p>
<p>She blinked a bit. "Who is this?"</p>
<p><b><em>Don't worry about that. I need some information about your patient Beyond Birthday. My sources say that he tried to end his own life under your watch. Was it because of the guilt he felt towards his victims?</em></b> The voice asked.</p>
<p>"Why do you want to know? You seem to know enough." She shot back and was about to hang up.</p>
<p><strong><em>I know a lot Doctor. A lot more than you probably do.</em></strong> They said.</p>
<p>When they said that last part is when it finally clicked. "It's you isn't it? L."</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Very good Doctor. I always knew that you were a smart one. Back the topic at hand. Was his suicidal attempt out of guilt?</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>She sighed. "If it was, it would have been easier for you to condemn him right? No. It wasn't out of guilt. The suicide attempt was out of grief."</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>That's right. He recently had a female visitor come. But her visits only lasted a few short weeks. What could have happened in those weeks that would make him turn to this?</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>"Your asking the wrong person. We haven't gotten that far. He shut down after their last visit. And now here we are."</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <b>Very right. Thank you Dr. Rodriguez. I have everything I need.</b>
  </em>
</p>
<p>"Wai-" She yelped. But it was too late as he hung up. She sat there in disbelief on what just happened. That was the first time that L called to ask about B.B, other than that woman Noami.</p>
<hr/>
<p>My eyes twitched a bit as I felt my joints jump. I woke up gasping for breath. I tried to move my hands but they felt heavy to lift. The heart monitor went crazy as I turned my head side to side. I couldn't understand what was going on. The last place I remember being at was so dark. So dark that it couldn't be heaven.</p>
<p>"Am I dead?" I asked groggily and breathed slowly, trying to calm down my heart.</p>
<p>"Sadly no B.B. Your very much alive." Said some one beside him.</p>
<p>I blinked a little and turned my head to see where that voice came from. I couldn't believe my eyes. I had to close my eyes for a bit just so I knew I wasn't seeing things. When I reopened them, there he was. Sitting in a chair in that weird posture with his thumbnail in his mouth.</p>
<p>"Why are you here L?" I asked as I turned my head away.</p>
<p>"It's nice to see you again too B.B. You haven't changed much since the last time I saw you."</p>
<p>"You mean when I tried to burn myself to death." I mumbled. "Why do you care if I killed myself. You should be happy that your murderer was gone. That means that your case would have officially closed."</p>
<p>"That's not the case Beyond." He said as he stood up and walked over to my bed. He gently grabbed my face and made me look at him.</p>
<p>He truly hasn't changed. He was still pale as a ghost, with raven black hair and dark rings under his eyes to match. My heart beat picked up again as I tried to move my head. His hand kept a firm grip on my face.</p>
<p>"Why did you do it?" He asked as he looked deep into my eyes. "Was it because of that woman?"</p>
<p>"There is no woman." I whispered and kept looking at him.</p>
<p>"We both know that is a lie." He said and let go of my face. "What was it Beyond? You thought that your precious lady love would forgive you for your sins and that one day you could live happily ever after with her? But that wasn't the case was it? You give her your love confession in the hopes that she would return your feelings? Am I getting close?"</p>
<p>My voice was stuck in my throat. "If you know everything already then why did you come down here and waste your time!" I shouted and gripped the bed. "Why couldn't any of you just let me die! Why must I continue to suffer!" I cried. I tried not to let my voice crack but just like the tears that spilled down my cheeks it was impossible. I had finally cracked again.</p>
<p>L came over to me again and ran a finger across my cheek. "I haven't seen you cry in so long.. after the night your friend died.." He muttered and touched his wet finger. "I thought you forgot how to cry.. have I ever cried? Am I physically capable to?" He continued to mutter to himself. He stopped to go to the bathroom and came back with some toilet paper and started to clean my eyes. "Blow." He said as I did what he asked.</p>
<p>"What if I can relieve you of that pain? Would you take it B.B?" He asked me.</p>
<p>I blinked a bit. "I don't understand."</p>
<p>He leaned down to where his face was almost close to mine. I blinked more and stared at him. "Exactly what I just said. If I can give you an escape right now, would you take it?"</p>
<p>"Yes. I want it!" I declared and lifted my head up to where our lips were almost touching. I could feel his hot breath on my mouth. I licked my lips nervously as he finally pulled away.</p>
<p>"Very well. I'm glad you made the right choice." He said as he pulled out a syringe and a vile.</p>
<p>I watched him as he stuck the needle in the vile and shake it a bit. "What's that?" I asked as he walked to my IV bag and pricked it and injected the unknown substance.</p>
<p>"Your escape Beyond. The one that I promised." He said as he came to my side again.</p>
<p>At first I didn't understand what he meant until it finally hit me. My chest felt tight as I was gasping for air. The monitor was beeping insanely. More now than ever. My body started to convulse in spasms. I was in so much pain that I didn't know who to respond.</p>
<p><em><b>Code blue! Code blue!</b></em> Said the speaker as doctors started to rush into my room. L was no where to be seen.</p>
<p><em>What did you do to me?!</em> I thought and groaned in pain. "Make it stop!" I cried and screamed.</p>
<p>"B.B!" Yelled Dr. Rodriguez as she ran to my side. She held my head up.</p>
<p>"It's.. it’s you-" I whispered as I felt my heart stop again. I soon fell limp in her arms.</p>
<p>"It's too late.." She whispered as tears began to fall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Back in L.A</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Doctor. It's no use." One of the nurses told Dr. Rodriguez who kept trying to make B.B's heart start again.</p>
<p>"No!" She cried and kept trying. "I won't except that!" She said and kept pushing down on his chest. "Don't give up on me B.B!" She said and opened his mouth and started to give him the kiss of life.</p>
<p>The hospital staff kept staring at her, watching her work on a corpse. With no hope in finding a heartbeat.</p>
<p>"It's no use doctor." Said a nurse. "He's gone."</p>
<p>She stopped moving her hands and sat up. "I don't understand." She whispered. "You tell me that he was going to be fine! How did fine turn into this?!" She yelled. "Who were the last people in here?" She said and stood up. "I want to know everything!"</p>
<p>They nodded and left the room. Dr. Rodriguez started to turn off the machines. What was she going to do? He had no family or friends. She looked down at B.B. He slowly started to turn more pale than his normal self. </p>
<p>To her he looked like he was just sleeping but she knew that he wouldn't wake up again. She moved the blanket over his face and slowly walked out of the room.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>Two days later..</strong>
</p>
<p>Doctor. Rodriguez returned to her office and placed files on her desk. She rubbed her eyes slowly and sat in her chair, breathing deeply. She couldn't get B.B's face out of her mind. Knowing that he was in the hospital morgue brought more dread to her. She couldn't face planing a funeral.</p>
<p>She sighed and turned on her computer. She started to look for B.B's death certifícate so she can sign and send. She couldn't find it anywhere. She knew she had it. Then something didn't feel right. She quickly started to look for the sessions she took with him and she couldn't find anything. Then she started to look for anything on him.</p>
<p>She quickly picked up the phone and called the morgue.</p>
<p>"What do you mean that his body is gone?!" She shouted. "A corpse can't just disappear!" She said and slammed the phone down.</p>
<p>What was going on?! First the files and now the body. She rubbed her eyes and heard her phone ring.</p>
<p>"Hello." She asked and laid back in her hair.</p>
<p><em><b>Yes Doctor. I'm glad to hear your voice again.</b></em> Said a disorienting voice.</p>
<p>"L." She said and sat up. "Why am I not surprised that it's your doing."</p>
<p><em><b>To the point as usual. I'm glad. I won't have to explain myself. But as you know I've taken the body and any other known existence of Beyond Birthday. This is goodbye Doctor. Thank you for all you've done.</b></em> He said and hung up the phone.</p>
<p>She continued to hold the phone dumbstruck. Did he really have that much power to make B.B disappear just like that. She set down the phone and placed her head in her hands.</p>
<hr/>
<p>L slowly paced around his bedroom, until he heard a knock on his door. "You may enter." He said and stopped walking.</p>
<p>The door slowly opened and Wateri stepped inside. "Did you inform the doctor on what you've done?"</p>
<p>L nodded slowly and peaked over his shoulder to see B.B tucked in his bed. He still hasn't moved since the day L stopped his heart. "She wasn't too thrilled to find out what I have done. But it couldn't be helped."</p>
<p>"But was it wise to bring him here?" He asked and raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>"I guess I am just atoning for pass sins.." He said and shrugged his shoulders slightly.</p>
<p>"Of course." He nodded and excused himself.</p>
<p>L walked towards his bed and sat down next to B.B. Soon he would wake up and have many questions on to what he has done. Or why he even did what he did. Even L didn't know why he did it. B.B would have lived out his days in the asylum until he died.</p>
<p>That would have been the end of that. He would be out of sight and mind. But something deep inside of him snapped. He couldn't let B.B live out his days like that..</p>
<p>"I'll have to watch him.." He murmured and gently placed his hand on B.B's cheek. He felt so cold to the touch. "Until we meet again my friend."</p>
<hr/>
<p>"Hey." Said a voice. "Wake up." They said and nudged their foot against my sides.</p>
<p>I gasped deeply and gripped my chest. I felt my heart pounding deeply in my ears as I sat up quickly. "Whats going on?" I panted and looked up.</p>
<p>"Homeless people aren't suppose to be sleeping back here."</p>
<p>I blinked a bit. "Homeless?"</p>
<p>"Whatever you are, I don't care. Leave before I call the cops."</p>
<p>I got up slowly and gripped my head. I was still a bit groggy and leaned against the wall for support. I was still confused on where I was at. I knew I was no longer in the hospital, but I still wore the same clothes from before...before my heart stopped beating.</p>
<p>"What have you done to me L." I whispered to myself and started to walk. I started to bump into people slowly. I was pushed a bit and insulted as I walked.</p>
<p><em><b>My my</b></em>. Said a voice. <em><b>You look really pathetic right now.</b></em></p>
<p>I blinked a bit and turned around to see no one there. "Not again." I groaned and felt something wet land on top of my head. I looked up at the sky and felt more droplets come down. "Rain." I said and touched my cheek. Its been so long since I felt the rain.</p>
<p>Soon the rain started to come down hard on me. I wiped my eyes and looked around.</p>
<p><em><b>Run, run, run little rabbit.</b></em> The voice said again and laughed.</p>
<p>"Leave me alone!" I cried and ran. I pushed more people out of my way and kept running. I had no idea where I was running to but I just knew that I had to get away.</p>
<p>Soon I found myself in front of a church. I breathed deeply and walked up the steps slowly and pushed the doors open. Inside candles were lit all around. I walked down the aisle, dragging my feet. </p>
<p>When I got to the center I fell to my knees and gripped the floor. "I don't understand what happened to me...or what's happening to me..." I whispered. "I never once felt fear...but that's all I feel now. I feel fear...and confusion. But more fear towards myself. I fear myself and that I am falling into the dark again."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. The Nun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was the first time that I had ever confessed that I was afraid. The word <em>fear</em> was foreign to me. I was never the one to be afraid of anything. But now it was different.</p>
<p>I'm different. I never would have thought I'd be the one cowering on the floor. I clenched my fists and pushed myself up. My clothes were soaked because of the rain. I shuddered and touched my cheek.</p>
<p>I was cold like death. I staggered to my feet and slowly walked up to the alter of candles. I looked up at the Virgin Mary and tilted my head. This was the first time I had ever set foot into a church. </p>
<p>Why did I?</p>
<p>What was I hoping to find here? I was taken out of my thoughts by the roar of the thunder coming from outside. Each time it sounded louder and louder.</p>
<p>I covered my ears.</p>
<p><b><em>You think you can hide in here?</em></b> Said a familiar voice. <em><b>Especially from me.</b></em> It chuckled.</p>
<p>I turned around furiously. Looking to see where the voice came from. There was no one there. I was alone. Or so I thought.</p>
<p><em><b>I'm everywhere! Yet nowhere!</b></em> It laughed and knocked me down the steps.</p>
<p>I fell on my back and hit the back of my head on the floor. I groaned softly. I soon felt pressure on my chest and hands around my throat.</p>
<p><em><b>You can't run from me!</b></em> It growled and tightened it's grip.</p>
<p>I coughed and tried to claw at their hands but with no hope. It only made them tighten their grip. I started to feel myself lose consciousness. I dropped my hands to the floor.</p>
<p>I felt it slowly lift me up a bit. <em><b>Good Night. I'll see you real soon</b></em>. It said and slammed me down hard onto the floor.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When I slowly started to come too, I felt groggy and out of breath.</p>
<p>I tried to open my eyes but all I can see was a blur. My sight hadn't came into focus. But something felt different.</p>
<p>I no longer was on the cold hard floor. Instead I was laying in a bed. I got up quickly and was soon met with a soft embrace.</p>
<p>I blinked slowly trying to get my mind together. I knew someone had to be hugging me. Whoever she was... I welcomed the gesture. I slowly sank into her warm embrace. Whoever this mystery woman was... I was glad for her.</p>
<p>"I'm glad you're awake." She said softly and ran her fingers through my hair.</p>
<p>"Who are you?" I whispered and nudged my face into the nap of her neck. "An angel perhaps." I murmured.</p>
<p>I could feel her make a smile and slowly lay me down onto the bed. I looked up at her and was stunned. She wore all black and a white coif that made up her headdress. A silver cross was clearly visible around her neck. "Forgive me sister." I whispered.</p>
<p>She smiled. "It's okay. I did kind of surprise you."</p>
<p>I shook my head and groaned a little. Every slight movement made me dizzy.</p>
<p>"Your running a nasty fever." She said calmly and slowly reached beside her and grabbed a damped cloth.</p>
<p>I could feel her run it across my forehead gently. I shuddered a little and breathed. "You're very kind sister."</p>
<p>"It's my duty." She said with another smile.</p>
<p>"Can you tell me what happened?" I murmured and slowly closed my eyes.</p>
<p>"I was coming to put out the candles and I found you in the middle of the alter." She said and fixed the blankets for me. "At first l tried to wake you up, but you didn't respond. You must of really have been out cold."</p>
<p>I nodded again, this time slowly.</p>
<p>"I went to go get the priests to help me pick you up and we brought you here. Even your clothes were soaking wet."</p>
<p>When she mentioned my clothes, I opened my eyes and looked down at myself. I was no longer wearing the clothes from the hospital. Now that I think about it, I don't remember my clothes being changed then either.</p>
<p>"I appreciate the change of clothes sister. But you didn't need to go that far." I said and looked at her.</p>
<p>"Trust me." She said and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to worry about anything."</p>
<p>"Tell me." I yawned a bit. "Does this kind angel have a name?"</p>
<p>"Katherine."</p>
<p>"Sister Katherine." I murmured. "What a beautiful name."</p>
<p>"You can just call me Kathy." She said with a smile.</p>
<p>I shook my head. "A beautiful name such as that, shouldn't be shortened."</p>
<p>I noticed that she started to blush a little and coughed a bit. "You should get some rest."</p>
<p>Soon I started to feel a slight dread come over me. Just the thought of sleeping made me nervous. She must of seen the distress on my face.</p>
<p>"What is it?" She asked calmly.</p>
<p>"I don't think I can sleep.." I mumbled. "I don't want to dream. If I dream then I'm stuck in an endless nightmare. A nightmare that I'm afraid that I won't wake up from."</p>
<p>"What if I stayed with you?" She said and pulled a chair beside me. "At any moment I see that your having a nightmare I'll wake you up?"</p>
<p>"You'd do that for me sister Katherine." I blinked at her. No one besides Marcy has ever shown me such kindness.</p>
<p>She nodded with a smile. "I promise."</p>
<p>"Are you sure your not an angel?" I asked again and closed my eyes.</p>
<p>"I'm sure." She chuckled softly.</p>
<p>When I did manage to fall asleep I knew that I had made a giant mistake. Because of the fever my worst fear had came true. I began to remember things that I kept buried deep in my mind. Things that I wish would have stayed forgotten.</p>
<p>The weeks that lead up to A's suicide. Promising Marcy that we would run away together. Abandoning her on that dark stormy night. That look of grief in her eyes as I ran away from the gates. I think I felt my heart shatter again because of what I had done.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry Marcy.." I whispered to myself.</p>
<p><em><b>Pathetic</b></em>. Said the voice in my head. <em><b>Remembering her at a time like this. Especially after what she did to us.</b></em> It growled at me.</p>
<p>In a way the voice was kind of right but I couldn't bring myself to hate her. Not her. Especially since it was I who abandoned her first when we were teens.</p>
<p><em><b>Playing the victim again huh?</b></em> It laughed at me. <em><b>That's the only thing your good for. Without me, you'd be nothing!</b></em> It said again. <em><b>Forget about her. You don't need some little girl. When you have a perfectly good looking woman next to you.</b></em> It whispered in my ear.</p>
<p>I knew full well that it was talking about the nun who was looking after me.</p>
<p>"Not her!" I cried. I can't do that to her. <em>She's not meant to be touched.. by someone as dirty as me.</em> I thought.</p>
<p><em><b>You may not have that choice much longer. If you keep refusing me.</b></em> It said with another laugh.</p>
<p>I finally started to hope that the voice would finally leave me alone for a bit. I was tired of hearing his nonsense. But at the same time I heeded his warning. I couldn't be too careful.</p>
<p>"Maybe I'm finally going crazy?" I mumbled and rubbed my eyes. I started to feel a bit better than what I did before. I was still a little weak, but I was sure that I finally broke out of the fever.</p>
<p>I slowly opened my eyes and looked around the room. The room was small, with only a cabinet and a desk by the corner. With a single lamp on.</p>
<p><em>Was this sister Katherine's room?</em> I thought to myself and sat up.</p>
<p>"Your finally awake." Said a soft voice.</p>
<p>I turned my head and looked at her. I was finally able to see what she looked like clearly. She was a petite woman, a little to young to be your average nun.</p>
<p>But what really captivated me was her eyes. They were an emerald green. Which went perfectly with her fair skin. She was even more beautiful than Marcy.</p>
<p>"My god." She gasped and walked closer to me.</p>
<p>I blinked confused and watched her. "What?"</p>
<p>"Y..your eyes." She said.</p>
<p>I quickly looked away and put my hands up to my face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. The Nun Part II</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I quickly covered my eyes with my hands. I knew exactly what she was refuring too.</p><p>"Damn it.." I mumbled and gripped my bangs. "Forgive me sister.. that you had to witness such an unholy site."</p><p>There was no sounds coming from the room. I automatically assumed that she must of left. Which was to be expected.</p><p>I laughed bitterly to myself and shook my head. What was I expecting? That she was going to continue to show me the same kindness?</p><p>Soon I felt gentle hands on mine and slowly move them away from my face. I blinked slowly and kept my gaze down. I dared not look up.</p><p>"I'm sorry." She said softly. "I didn't mean to make you feel that I was.. disgusted."</p><p>"I apologize if you are-." I started off but felt her finger on my lips.</p><p>"In no sense am I disgusted." She said with a smile. "I don't think any different of you.. beside if your uncomfortable with your eye color I can always get you contacts."</p><p>"You'd do that for me?"</p><p>She nodded and moved her hand. "But I prefer that you didn't.. I think your eyes are beautiful." She smiled.</p><p>I wasn't expecting something like that.. especially from a Nun. I felt my cheeks grow a bit hot as I coughed nervously. "Okay sister.. the contracts aren't necessary." I murmured and looked at her.</p><p>She nodded with a smile. "It's late. You should rest some more."</p><p>"Am I putting you out?" I asked and moved the blankets. "I can sleep on the floor or somewhere else."</p><p>"You're fine." She chuckled and stood up. "I have a room set up for me." She said and walked for the door. "But tomorrow the priest would like a word with you tomorrow."</p><p>"Oh." I mumbled and rubbed my cheek.</p><p>"I'm sure the both of you can come to an agreement." She smiled. "He's a generous man."</p><p>I nodded and laid back down slowly.</p><p>"Will you be okay?" She asked and looked at me.</p><p>"I think so." I said with a smile.</p><p>"I'll see you tomorrow." She said softly and closed the door.</p><p>"Tomorrow.." I murmured softly and closed my eyes.</p>
<hr/><p>"Stop fidgeting." Katherine said and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.</p><p>"I can't help it.." I mumbled and sighed. "I'm no good at talking to people, especially a holy man."</p><p>"Father Sebastien is a kind man." She smiled and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze.</p><p>"If you say so sister, I'll go on a leap of faith." I said. Which sounded odd, coming from me.</p><p>I gently knocked on the door and shifted on my feet nervously. I didn't know what to expect. I was leaning more on him kicking me out than him letting me stay.</p><p>"It's open." Said a voice from inside the room.</p><p>I gulped nervously and felt the sister give me a gentle push. I looked at her and she mouth, Y<em>ou can do this! </em>And a smile on her lips.</p><p>For some reason her smile gave me a sense of relief. It's a relief that I haven't felt in sometime.</p><p><em>Ba-dump! Ba-dump! Ba-dump! </em>I put my hand over my heart and gripped my shirt. I felt my heartbeat throb even in my ears. I didn't like this feeling. Not one bit. I finally mustered up enough courage and pushed open the door slowly. I breathed in deeply and stepped inside.</p><p>"You must be the boy that sister Katherine found in the chapel last night." Said Father Sebastien.</p><p>"Uh yes sir.." I mumbled nervously.</p><p>"I'll be blunt with you young man." He said and looked up from his paperwork. "If you're another drug addict.. I can help you but you will not be able to stay here."</p><p>I shook my head. "I'm not on any kind of drugs, honest."</p><p>He raised an eyebrow at me and took off his glasses.</p><p><em>He must not believe me. </em>I thought and scratched the back of my head. "Drugs aren't my thing, I was stuck in the rain the other night and caught a real bad cold; nothing more."</p><p>"For the sister's sake I will put my trust in you. Because she has spoken up on you're behalf."</p><p>"She did?" I mumbled in total shock.</p><p>He nodded. "But if you are going to stay here then you must help around. It wont be hard. Cleaning out front after mass is done, helping the sister tending the garden and lighting the candles for midnight prayer. And in return you'll get room and board, along with some clothing."</p><p>"Do I have to.. uh.. wear..?" I stuttered slowly. Meaning the same thing that the father was wearing.</p><p>He chuckled softly and shook his head. "No. You wont have too. Just simple black slacks and a white dress shirt."</p><p><em>I basically have too look like a choir boy. </em>I thought amusedly. Oh well. Small price to pay. "Sounds easy enough, I'll do it."</p><p>He stood up and walked towards me. He extended his hand out to me and I shook it slowly. "Father Sebastien, and you are?"</p><p>"Rue Ryuzaki, you can just call me Ryuzaki." I said. It might have not been safe to use my old alias but I didn't care.</p><p>"Nice to meet you Ryuzaki. Is it okay if we shorten it to Ryu?"</p><p>"I don't mind."</p><p>He nodded and let go of my hand. "Go find the sister and get some breakfast. And she will show you to you're room."</p><p>I nodded and walked out of the room and leaned my back against the door. I let out a breath of total relief. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do if he said no. Maybe luck was finally on my side this time.</p><p>"It went well I see." Said a gentle voice.</p><p>"Thank you sister." I said and stood up. "You've been very kind to me."</p><p>She smiled and held out her hand. "It's nothing. Come, breakfast is ready and you look like you can use a hot meal."</p><p>I slowly took her hand. I felt a strange feeling start to arise inside of me. <em>Odd. </em>I thought to myself.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>A few weeks later...</strong>
</p><p>After the first week I had a hard time adjusting to waking up at the crack of dawn. How the sister did this everyday was amazing to me. I didn't even wanna get up just to clean after someone else. But I couldn't complain, it wasn't hard and the benefits were actually worth it. I didn't have to talk to much people, just the sister and the father. Which was even better. The less people who saw me the better.</p><p>But what was strange to me, when it was time for me to go light the candle at midnight I actually enjoyed it. It was peaceful and I was amazed that many people liked to come so late just to pray. After I was done lighting them, instead of leaving I would sit in the back row. Not to pray obviously, I didn't believe in that. But I felt calmer and a bit safer than I ever had in a long time. Even the voices that started back at the hospital stopped. Along with the flashbacks of Wammy's and <em>A</em>.</p><p>Marcy also started to become a faded memory. My wounded heart still hasn't healed but it didn't hurt as much like before. I often found myself thinking; did she feel sad that I <em>died</em>? Or regret for how we left things? When my thought's would go to her, my wrists would begin to throb. Like some kind of reminder of what I almost did. The wounds were still fresh and I was thankful to wear long sleeves. I hated the stares that I would get when I would wear something shorter. I could tell that the sister also was curious about my scars too.</p><p>But she wouldn't pry for answers. Instead she would just smile at me. And that same smile would often hurt my heart for some strange reason. I was touched by her kindness but uncomfortable at the same time. I wasn't used to people being nice to me. Maybe the doctor back at the hospital.. but no one else.</p><p>"You look like you're really deep in thought." Chuckled sister Katherine.</p><p>"Sorry.. Were you calling me?"</p><p>"You've been cooped up inside for weeks, lets go outside into the garden." She smiled softly.</p><p>"I shouldn't.."</p><p>"It's a beautiful day and the roses are growing in nicely."</p><p>"Okay, I'll go outside." I gave in and followed behind her. I still wasn't comfortable going outside.. especially since I've been locked up inside for half of my life. Soon my wrists began to throb again and I breathed softly.</p><p>Katherine pushed the doors open and the rays of sunlight started to peak through the cracks. I used my hand to cover my eyes.</p><p>"Too bright." I mumbled.</p><p>"Just give it a little bit." She smiled.</p><p>I nodded and followed her from the side of the church, towards the back. From the longest I stayed here I haven't seen what was in the back. We walked through the hedges and I looked around. They were about my height, and in the hedges I saw the brightest red roses that I've ever seen. <em>Wow. </em>I thought to myself.</p><p>"Every time I walk through here, the flowers remind me of the color of your eyes." She said softly and picked one of the roses.</p><p>"They do?" I raised an eyebrow.</p><p>She nodded and smiled. She motioned me to come and sit with her on the bench. I was hesitant at first but gave in. I didn't know how long I would have until her kindness stopped. I sat on the floor by her feet and leaned my head onto the side of her knee. I felt her hand on the top of my head, slowly creasing my hair.</p><p>"I hope this is okay?" I murmured softly.</p><p>"Of course." She said and kept running her fingers through my hair.</p><p>I closed my eyes a bit and held onto her dress. I held on like if I was holding onto dear life itself.</p><p>"The bandages around you're wrists.." She began softly.</p><p>"I tried to hurt myself.. I wanted to die." I said in a small voice.</p><p>Her hand stopped moving and I felt it slowly moved down to my cheek. Her fingers gently caressing my cheek. "Why?"</p><p>"Because I lost the woman I love.. for the second time. And I felt like that I couldn't go on anymore.. my will to live finally disappeared and I wanted a way out."</p><p>She didn't say anything. Instead the gentleness of her hands spoke for her. Normally I would have pushed this kind of behavior away. But I welcomed it instead.</p><p>"Are you sure that you're not an angel sister?" I murmured softly.</p><p>She chuckled and coughed softly. "I am not."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I know we all know Beyond as a crazed murderer, and to tell the truth I love that beyond more cause it awesome! -chuckles- anyways BB is human...or at least past the insanity -chuckles more- So that's what I wanted to show more of. Anyone can still have any humanity left in them. And I know 'A' is barely known to people and how'd he died so that part is just improvised along with other thing in this story. Anyways I hope you all like this story! Follow and review! Until next time</p>
<p>*Max-Nightmare*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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